A Message to the Single

For years I had evaded dating. I avoided it. I ran from it.

I’m not entirely sure if I was running from commitment, If I was running from the risk or simply running because I didn’t truly believe in it.

In all honesty, I have yet to meet a man that has impressed me enough to consider devoting so much time and energy to them. I feel like a lot of us are still dwelling in the young adults’ awkward stage of life and haven’t yet emerged from it with a bit of wisdom on our side to do dating properly.

There was one man that I dated. He was lovely. He was gorgeous and smart and creative. He and I shared the same interests in a lot of things. We only lasted four months. When people asked me how he was, my answer was very simple… “He’s fine. He’s great!”. What’s he like? I never really knew how to answer that. In that very moment I knew it was actually a red flag. Why was I dating him if there wasn’t anything distinct that I loved about him? Why did it feel like he loved me way more than I loved him? Did I love him?

Now that I’m back to being single, life is actually far easier. I am no longer putting someone else’s needs ahead of mine. I love helping people, but I’ve realized that you can’t do that at the risk of neglecting yourself. I was so caught up in his day, his needs, his stresses. My day wasn’t of interest to him. When he did ask after me, it wasn’t really genuine. It was polite.

It’s time to stop being polite. It’s time to be honest. It’s time to be raw. 

I have been a huge fan of Grey’s Anatomy for many, many years. It honestly is addictive! One of the biggest things I have come to realize is how it is so focused on winning the guy. I will always love the show but one thing I love more is this…

“Don’t let what he wants eclipse what you need. He is very dreamy, but he is not the sun. You are.“- Shonda Rimes

How does one move away from a place of looking for love, to a place where we focus on working on ourselves instead?

We need to be brutally honest with ourselves and work on ourselves. We need to be bettering ourselves, growing ourselves, improving ourselves, loving ourselves.

“On the day when it will be possible for woman to love not in her weakness but in her strength, not to escape herself but to find herself, not to abase herself but to assert herself — on that day love will become for her, as for man, a source of life and not of mortal danger.”

Simone de Beauvoir, philospher

I haven’t got an answer just yet, but if you need me, I’ll be traveling.

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